Cause for celebration?
by VacantEyes
Summary: If most of SS were members of the Hitsugaya X Matsumoto community, then this fic would have been possible. Find out what happens when whole of Seireitei get to know that this hot couple finally get together..My first attempt at humour so no flames please.


My very pathetic attempt at humour for the first time. . .Please be kind. . .I do need laughs.

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**Cause for celebration?**

It had taken him some time to figure out that he had a '_thing'_ for his light hearted, mischievous minx of a Fukutaichou and when he finally, reluctantly, grudgingly **did** concede with the idea that he craved for her in an exclusive manner, . . . _And_ let the other party _know_ that he _did_. . . all hell broke loose . . . was an understatement.

After all, Matsumoto wasn't one to keep secrets. . . especially after a few drinks. . . her liberties with her captain in public seemed a bit too liberal.

After a particularly public and irrevocably publicized spectacle…..when doubts rapidly evolved to conviction. . . Jabbing, teasing etc, etc was anticipated . . . **but** . . . . added to that…. Some changes in attitude did happen…

For starters, though not very surprising. Murderous looks from most of the male population of Seireitei . . . . making Hitsugaya think, no wonder people hated Ichimaru Gin so much.

Girls in general knew better than to mess with Matsumoto in the jealousy war. She had a rock-hard reputation of being invincible, be it in shooting from the lip or simply kicking ass. Hitsugaya was very thankful for that.

---

On the home front, Ukitake stopped giving sweets (much to Hitsugaya's relief, of course! But Ukitake did shed a few happy tears, "My little shirou has finally come of age. Otou-san is happy". "Dare da otou-san?") while his best buddy, Shunsui started dishing out _his_ choice of 'goodies'.

Lingerie, sex toys, Kama Sutra to name a few…the remaining of this list would be too indecent to mention in ffdotnet.

Some were parceled to his residence, some to his office, but most often the 8th division head would prance up to the 10th division head office in full daylight, in full view of the entire staff, with gaudily wrapped packages, taking especial care that the price tag would stick out at least, to depict the brand name of the purchase, leaving nothing left to the imagination.

---

As if to balance Shunsui's 'egging on', the fourth division captain did her part. She suddenly seem to remember, that Shinigami Academy never had a 'sex education' class, and proceeded to begin one, starting with Hitsugaya (still in his teens, you see) as a returning alumnus. Fortunately, he managed to pass off the remaining sessions after that first one.

The 10th division became a bit more crowded than usual.

Starting with, Mayuri- who was often seen 'snooping' around. Matsumoto managed to snag Nemu long enough to extract a plausible reason which was Mayuri had begun a new research project.

Basis- Shinigami (Human) Behaviour.

Subjects- Two

Topic?

'When polar opposites unite.'

Apparently, he couldn't get better live specimens for observation than the Juuban-Tai top two.

---

Soi Fon wanted nothing to do with the Capitan of 10 tai but with the Vice, she had her called separately, much to the curiosity of Hitsugaya. Later, he came to know, and chagrined to discover, he could almost have lost his woman to …..well, another woman. Luckily, for him, Matsumoto was as heterosexual as…..much as Yumichika was not.

---

Even the gentle but massive(ly hairy) Komamura did not fail to make his mark. (Shuuhei Hisagi went on a long vacation to the Bahamas with Iba and a bunch of kogals after the news broke out)

One quiet evening, as the moon hit the sky and Hitsugaya found himself (he didn't quite know how) sitting beside the respectable elderly one (alone). Lecture he expected, lecture he got……or something like that.

"I understand. . . ", begun the wise one.

Hitsugaya peaked his ears, attentive, though not eager for words of wisdom to pour out. He had mused, " How bad could it be?"

Komamura continued," . . .The word is 'lick'".

"Eh-Eh-xcuse me???!!", Hitsugaya almost squeaked, disbelieving his ears.

"_**Lick**_", the older one turned to the much smaller younger one, repeating the word with emphasis, " You do that, both of you, don't you? _To each other_…."

Hitsugaya never ever envisaged that that day would come when he would sit and discuss sex with Komamura Taichou.

He rattled his brains for a dignified answer but managed to stutter, "I-I am- not- so- sure about-what-you're asking, Komamura-san." He had already turned his head away, scandalized.

Komamura looked at him quizzically," what's not to understand? You lost souls have healed yourself, licking each other's wounds and through that, you both have bonded to-", after that, it was a blur to Hitsugaya. He didn't remember what was said after that, but he survived it, is all I can say. And that was that, from his side.

---

On the other hand, Zaraki Kenpachi made frequent visits to this neighbouring division, leaving his old passion of targeting Ichigo, finding new (renewed?) interest to combat the new kid in the ('adulthood'?) block, Hitsugaya (read 'stud') Taichou. Supposedly, to build up his 'stamina'. (Makes you think if Matsumoto made a special request….)

At the young captain's protest/ defiance, Zaraki put up the insurmountable argument, " Gro' some hai' on them b---s an' ah wull quit. "

Hitsugaya could never stop his ears from reddening at the impact of these words much less let out a squeak after that. Till his vocal chords would be able to stand the strain, he would have to endure the torture.

---

If you think that SS didn't have paparazzi. Then think again.

Then add Yachiru to that.

To the bubblegum haired mini monstrosity's delight, she was gifted a free telescopic lens equipped, 7 Mega pixels digital camera by a very perceptive member of the press. Thus, the live tracking device guided the rest of the enthused reporters/camera-men to butt in at the most 'opportune' moments when by divine providence, the 'star' couple were somehow left by themselves. Tight security was meaningless before the 11th division Fukutaichou.

Thanks to that, Hitsugaya never glanced at Matsumoto's direction in office. Much to the latter's annoyance . . . understandably.

---

Sadly enough, the couple never found time together even after office hours, Ichigo, Renji, Ikkaku and the rest of the gang religiously begun to invite themselves as dinner guests to Hitsugaya's residence and no amount of kicks, blows or DAIGUREN-HYOURINMARU salvoes deterred the young crowd. Pesky Persistent third wheels!!

---

As if that were not enough, Hitsugaya received a special delivery from Hueco Mundo (the courier guy was a harmless hollow, ── in a costume which strangely if not grotesquely resembled that of a woe-begotten cupid).

Aizen gifted an authentic voice taped (talk about narcissism!!) invitation to Hueco Mundo for their honeymoon ('WE ARE NOT GETTING MARRIED!!!', bellowed Hitsugaya at the speaker) which Matsumoto later sneaked out and gifted to Hinamori. She added it to her secret stash of Aizen collectibles.

Tousen gave out 2 pairs of opaque glasses (??) which sadly no one wanted (Shuuhei is on leave, remember?) so it was chucked in the trash can.

One thing that Matsumoto didn't get to see was what Gin provided. The most useful thing of all which Hitsugaya surreptitiously consulted (mostly in the loo) - factfile on Matsumoto Rangiku, especially the portion which described the 'moves' she liked.. . And the information that Matsumoto's brain works on Reverse Psychology. ("Useful tactic . . ", he agreed)

---

As for rest of Seireitei, there suddenly begun a boom of 'couple' offers. Ignoring the general 'Buy One Get One free', there were 'Eat for two, pay for one' for couples in a restaurant, free entry for the lady in a couple to onsens, free men's socks with lady's boots, free shaving kit with women's shower gel ,free Fundoshi with Hiyoku, free Ken with Barbie. . . couples this year sure saved a lot of money.

---

All in all, Hitsugaya thought he found his new best friend in the strong and silent Byakuya.

Simply for the unique reason that the latter did not appear nor impart any note, gift or any sort of communication to him that this matter was in his attention in any way. . . . until.

. .That day. . . .

. . . the day the heir of the Kuchiki clan graced the 10th division with his presence-

For the first time in Hitsugaya's tenure of captaincy. Many a Shinigami's eyes almost fell of their sockets as the flower-Zanpakutou wielder gracefully strode across the hall of the building.

The purpose of his sudden 'social call'? –

Gifts? No.

Lecture? No

Advice? A word of congratulations? A disclosing of opinion? No, no, no.

Kuchiki wordlessly laid down a single sheet of paper on the table for the apprehensive Hitsugaya Taichou to gingerly peruse. The teenager's eyebrows hit the ceiling when the contents (of the small print) dawned on him.

Apparently, the 6th division chief kept his business urges in check for a long time until he could stand it no more. He had to propose a contract to buy the rights to exclusively market all Hitsugaya x Matsumoto products- Hitsugaya-Matsumoto posters, T-shirts, buttons and the likes. Seemingly, there was a high demand for the couple thanks to the tabloid reports.

Renji, Ikkaku, Ichigo and the rest of the gang would take care of sales and distribution (so THAT'S WHY they so persistently hung out with Matsumoto-Hitsugaya, otherwise he was seriously beginning to question his taste buds' opinion on Matsumoto's cooking) while Urahara Kisuke would handle manufacture and supply. Hitsugaya could see all the signatures scribbled in closely leaving enough space for his and Matsumoto's.

Hitsugaya felt a constriction in his throat, something begging to get out, the atmosphere chilled. Even Matsumoto grew apprehensive that she would have to see the 10th division building destroyed due to Captain vs Captain showdown. She looked at the fire alarm glass, ready to hit it and clear the building if she got the slightest wind, that Hitsugaya's top would blow off. Byakuya, typically, waited for an obvious affirmation, or so he thought!, from the chibi-Taichou.

When… the 13th seat suddenly rushed in with the news

Yama-sama wants Hitsu-sama to meet him, urgently!

Her boss left the room, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

And then she turned to Byakuya. Determination in her eyes.

" So Kuchiki Taichou wants a deal…huh?", she tapped her fingers with folded arms, face angled at him. Kuchiki sweat-dropped. He had lost to this woman before. He was going to lose again.

----

" So you have taken a wife"

Hitsugaya grimaced, but the General couldn't see that because the other's head was bowed.

" No, Sir."

" Hmmm? Then what is this I hear?"

Hitsugaya didn't want to beat around the bush, and he may as well come forward, it wasn't as if he had come across anyone who wasn't interested in his now 'blooming' love-life.

"I have a girl-friend, Sir", he said between gritted teeth. He couldn't believe he was discussing such a personal matter with the General, no less.

" Girlfriend, you say. . . . so you have no intention of making a wife out of her??"

Hitsugaya almost missed a beat, "N-No Sir, I did not say that. I-I mean, it's all very early, Sir."

"Harumph!", Yamamoto nodded to himself, he was well-covered with a cloak, his stick hidden under the cover rather than brandished forward as he usually did in Captain meetings. " So you do _like _her, eh?"

"Y-yes", Hitsugaya acquiesced, finding no other fitful answer, wondering where this all was leading to. But he could not but answer after all, he was a mere captain and also, a boy at that, and this was the General.

" Very well, very well", the General suddenly turned dismissive. Hitsugaya had begun to wonder whether Yamamoto might be drunk. But it was impossible. It was still day. " Okay, now, answer this…" he suddenly, looked at the boy with interest.

Hitsugaya looked back with slight surprise, partly due to the General's attitude.

" Was it you who said it or she?"

Hitsugaya blinked. "Eh-? –Ah I beg your pardon?"

Yamamoto impatiently repeated, " Was it you who asked her or was it she who asked you?"

Hitsugaya was now seriously confused, this was very unlike him, and what was he askin- "Oh!" He gathered he was asking about 'going out'.

Hitsugaya reflected, with all things going on, they too hardly had any time or situation to be together and had mutually agreed to stay like this until somehow, everyone's interest dwindled. It seemed so long ago.

"Ah- I think I did.", Hitsugaya said matter-of-factly after a few moments of thought. A bit too distracted to comprehend, where this was going to.

The old one suddenly came to life, pulling back the cloak, he pulled an open cell phone from underneath.

"Did you hear?", Yamamoto told the other end, " It was him and not her who popped the question. HA HA HA!". He let out a toothless laugh in joy.

"What's going on?", Hitsugaya mumbled.

Yamamoto then turned to him, still smiling (Hitsugaya thought, " Odd! he still has some teeth remaining"), " Aya! I had a bet with my wife. And I win. . _.(to himself)_I don't have to cook tonight"

Hitsugaya was puzzled at first, then he heard the last part of the General's mumbling.

Then he snapped.

-----

AFTERWORD  
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That day was remembered as ICE AGE 2.


End file.
